A friend of mine sent me the blurb below out of his journal. He and I have been talking through the subject of faith and trust in God — something we both believe is underrated and under-emphasized.
My friend (we’ll just call him Brad Pitt for short) is a pretty amazing writer and thinker. When his book finally comes out I’ll reveal his true identity so that we can all pick up a copy!!
Restless circles of trust. I’ve never thought of this before, and I’ve never heard of it. But tonight is the kind of night I can’t sleep. I got out of bed, down onto my knees, and started to pray. I instantly felt pathetic, weak, tired, and useless. I couldn’t focus on a single thing. The future, for some strange reason, suddenly went black and terrifying.
I felt like I was squirming around to get a better view but nothing helped. I realized, sometimes in my pursuit of God I’m restless. How ironic. In a season of rest I feel restless. Like a fidgety little kid desperate for my Father’s attention. And it all feels endless. Round and round. Restless night to restless night.
And I wonder, where is all thing going anyway? Is there somewhere I’m supposed to be ending up? If so, how will this circle ever get me there? Where is my straight line to freedom?
Then it hit me. Trust. The restless circle runs around trust. The straight line runs around…well, nothing.
There is no center to linear living. Yet, strangely, I long for the center-less life. The ‘I know where I’m going’ kind of life. Ultimately, what brings me around is the question: Do I trust him? Restlessness, circles, lines, whatever…do I trust him? Yes.
There is something here in the midnight. The tapping fingers do not tap in vain. There is something in this fear. Maybe I’ll find it tomorrow. Or the next day. Of the one hundredth time around the circle, and when I do it will be the restlessness to thank.
The holy wrestle with restlessness. The circle of trust. The ever on going journey.